By Evan Page

When we were in the process of adoption, I had been struggling with a lot of different concepts. The adoption process does that to you. But at this point in time, what was really weighing on my heart was the thought of having to share my child with someone else. I wasn’t going to be his or her only mom. What was even harder was knowing that although I would get the opportunity to raise this child, there was going to be a spot in my child’s heart that could only be filled by his or her birth mother, not me.

I wanted to be everything this child would need even though I knew that wasn’t possible. I had been praying hard for God to give me perspective and to process that fact. Internally, I was struggling. These thoughts went through my head for weeks and as I was praying, it hit me. I wouldn’t say that I heard God’s voice like you see in the movies. It was my own voice, but it was very clearly God speaking to me: “Do you really think that Merrick and Wake belong to you?”

Even now just writing it gives me goosebumps. Here I was, selfish in my thoughts to think that the children I get to raise belong to me. I consider them mine instead of children of God. It had me thinking, how often as parents do we think or say the word “mine” when it comes to our children? How often do we think about what type of child we want to raise or what our standard of “success” is in parenting?

We give ourselves credit for who our children are instead of acknowledging how God’s will is being done in and through them. Are we allowing God to use us as tools to shape and help mold our children into who He wants them to be or are we raising them to a standard we set for them and for ourselves?

That day was a changing point in my perspective on parenting. Don’t get me wrong, I still struggle with that concept above—that the children I share my last name with don’t belong to me. I still want to be their everything a lot of days. But again, it isn’t possible. The only one who can do that is the One who created them, who formed them and loved them long before I ever knew they would exist (Psalm 139:13-16).

So, as parents who love the mess out of our little ones, I have some questions. Are we parenting for ourselves and what we want for (or from) our children or are we parenting with an eternal perspective? Do we ask what God wants or do we ask ourselves what we want? Is our idea of “success” in parenting equivalent to God’s or is it self-made? Do we acknowledge that we simply get a front-row seat to guiding our children’s hearts toward Jesus or do we want to reserve the spot of highest regard in their hearts for ourselves?

Evan Page lives in Hilton Head Island with her husband, Stephen, and their three children, Merrick, Wake and Wells. She is currently a stay-at-home mom and most of her days are filled trying to capture adventures with her children on camera.