Searching for Hope in the Adoption Process

By Evan Page

More than a year ago, my husband Stephen and I were planning a way to tell our families that we were in the process of adopting. At that point, things were mostly exciting, and everything we had discussed had only been possibilities, not full-on realities.

Stephen had encouraged us to have “zero expectations” because this was all new territory for us. Even though we always talked about having zero expectations, I think my heart started planning out what I thought would be the best timeline for us and what the relationship with our child’s birth mother would be. I started creating what I felt like would be a good outcome from all of this.

Photo credit: Evan Page Photography

As time passed, the waiting had become one of the hardest parts of this journey. We would fill out our pile of paperwork or get an email about a potential baby and get so excited feeling like we were moving forward in the process and that we were covering ground only to have the next few weeks go cold.

I began to question what we’re doing and why God wanted us to go through with this adoption. We had been in this process for over a year, and we had no tangible evidence of what we had been going through and no answers to some of the hard questions we’ve had to ask ourselves.

Then it hit me that it wasn’t God who needed to give me answers, but it was my heart that needed to change. My prayers changed from telling God what I thought would be best for me and my family to asking God to show me what He thinks is best for me. I went from focusing on how to grow my family to how this journey can grow God’s kingdom.

As hard as the waiting has been and as much as my “secret hopes” were slowly passing before my eyes, my heart was being transformed. My prayers changed from wanting a baby to wanting to “wait well.” I think we forget that there is a purpose in waiting. It can be a necessary spot for God to prepare our hearts for what He wants to do in us and through us.

In December 2018, after being in the adoption process for more than a year and officially classified as a waiting family for over nine months, my husband and I were surprised to learn that I was pregnant. I had never experienced the term "bittersweet" quite like this scenario. We were extremely thankful to be blessed with a growing member to our family, but we were also mourning what felt like a loss through adoption. Although this is not how we anticipated welcoming our next member into our family, we firmly believe that God is good, and the time we were in the adoption process was not time wasted.

We are still very passionate about adoption and are extremely thankful for the growing process that has happened and continues to happen in us as we educate ourselves about adoption and anticipate our next baby. We are excited to welcome another baby Page in early August and can't wait to see where the adoption road leads us in the future. 

In a season of searching, confusion, feeling lost or forgotten, my biggest encouragement to others going through similar situations is to stay rooted in truth. Our circumstances and our feelings constantly change, but God is always God. His character doesn’t change because we feel forgotten or angry or lost. And I think when we have lost all hope, or only get spurts of hope, we need to remember where truth comes from and that the God who created you chooses to love you.

Sometimes when we are searching for hope, the only answer we really need is Jesus. God makes no mistakes and being intentional in a season of waiting allows Him to transform your heart. God knows how to take brokenness and make it beautiful.

Evan Page lives in Hilton Head Island with her husband, Stephen, and her two boys, Merrick (3) and Wake (2), and they are expecting their third baby in August. She is currently a stay-at-home mom and most of her days are filled trying to capture adventures with her children on camera.