Practicing Proactive Parenting

By Evan Page

“You pick and choose your battles.” It’s an expression that I’ve never heard more than when I became a parent. Although I think it can be accurate, I’ve seen how we, as parents, use it as a crutch to give in or take a break from “fighting” our kids.

Whether we realize it or not, the day our child is born is the day we sign up to battle their sin. It doesn’t take long for kids to learn the word “mine” or yell “no” at the top of their lungs. It’s instinctual to throw a fit when they don’t get what they want, and that’s because we are all born selfish and sinful. When we become parents isn’t the time to start thinking about guiding our kids through the world or suiting up for the impending selfish outburst. When our babies are born, we need to be ready for the war that is going on in our child’s heart.

Actions are louder than words

When we hear “you pick and choose your battles,” there’s usually a child expressing their heart’s desire in the form of a negative attitude or outburst, and a parent is backing down because there isn’t enough time or energy to address the situation, or it’s too much to handle at the time. When we do that, we are telling our children that we don’t have the time or energy to battle their sin right now. I doubt that is what we are mentally thinking, but that is what our actions are saying.

Here’s an example. You’re trying to leave to eat dinner at a friend’s house, but the playroom is a mess. You ask your son to clean the room before you leave, but he starts crying and yelling that he doesn’t want to. You’re already a few minutes behind schedule, and you know your toddler doesn’t like to clean. So you tell him it’s fine, and you leave for dinner to avoid an all-out brawl. You chose not to battle this time. And you made it to dinner only five minutes late. But who won the battle for your child’s heart?

Proactive parenting

Using the same example above, if you know you are in a rush or your child usually fights cleaning up, you can practice proactive parenting. Two different options could be to ask your child to choose three toys to put away and save the rest for later or just tell him he can leave the mess for today and clean it up tomorrow. The whole goal is to be mindful of the battle you are stepping into and being prepared to address it, not just letting it slide by once the battle has already begun. The reality is that we never know how our child will respond, so we need to be on guard and ready to step up whenever we see the sinfulness in our child’s heart come out. And we all know it is bound to happen ... maybe all too often!

Please don’t get me wrong, ultimately our children are responsible for their own decisions, but it is our job as their parents to guide them and help them learn about themselves and the world that surrounds them. We have a God-given duty to help our children fight their own sin until they have the ability and knowledge to step up for themselves. The question we continuously have to ask ourselves is, “Am I fighting with my child or for my child?”

Evan Page lives in Hilton Head Island with her husband, Stephen, and their three children, Merrick, Wake and Wells. She is currently a stay-at-home mom and most of her days are filled trying to capture adventures with her children on camera.