Does Your Marriage Make You Holy?

By Evan Page

“Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.”

— Matthew 7:3-4

There is nothing quite as intimate as marriage. It’s a relationship where the best of us and the worst of us is seen, where the highest of highs and the lowest of lows are shared. Because of this, our spouses can be the greatest insights we have into ourselves, almost like a spiritual mirror into where our strengths and weaknesses lie in our relationship with Christ. But here’s the key: We have to allow it.   

Here’s a question. Does it feel as if your spouse is the first to point out something about you that bothers them? Maybe you aren’t patient with the kids or you don’t help with the dishes. Maybe there is that one argument that keeps creeping up—replacing the trash bag or keeping cups in the kitchen instead of all over the house. Whatever the issue may be, we usually feel justified in our anger or frustration towards our spouse when, in reality, we are refusing to acknowledge the sinful nature within ourselves. Isn’t it easier to focus on the imperfections of your spouse than on yourself? Is it a sin to forget to replace the trash bag? No, but your anger might be. Or maybe it is your attitude and unwillingness to be servant-hearted. 

Simply put, marriage can be used as a mirror to seeing our sin, which is why marriage can be so hard. Culture tells us that our spouse should love us for who we are and the life we live. They should be a never-ending support system that encourages us to be ourselves. But the Bible encourages us to strive for a more holy, Christ-like life, not one where “you do you.” It recently hit me pretty hard that instead of letting my spouse be one of the best tools in my sanctification process, I was constantly fighting it. When he would point something out or challenge me, I would usually become defensive instead of truly reflecting on whether or not there was sin in my life. 

I believe that it’s hard to hear our faults from our significant other because we care about what they think. But here is the ultimate question: Do we care about what our spouse thinks more than God and what He thinks? I doubt we think of it that way, but getting annoyed when my spouse points out my sin is partially because I want him to be pleased with me. I would love for my husband to think I am perfect and hearing that I am not upsets me because I am putting his thoughts of me above God’s thoughts. If we truly want to grow to be more Christ-like, we need to know where to repent and strive for growth. There is no person better to reflect our sin for us than our spouse. 

Evan Page lives in Hilton Head Island with her husband, Stephen, and their three children, Merrick, Wake and Wells. She is currently a stay-at-home mom and most of her days are filled trying to capture adventures with her children on camera.