A Challenge from One Mom to All Men

By Evan Page

I’m a boy mom. I don’t just mean that my two oldest have male anatomy. They are boys to the core­—Huckleberry Finn and Tom Sawyer type of stuff. They love the outdoors, and they play rough. They climbed out of their cribs at 12 months of age and never looked back. To this day, they climb trees that are close to the size of our house. They’re three and four years old. If there’s dirt, they’re in it. I gave up keeping my own hands clean forever ago because the boys are always a mess. Shirts are stained, pants have holes in the knees—the stuff childhood is made of!

As much as I love and enjoy my boys and the chaos that they bring, I want both of them to grow up to be men—but not society’s version of men. Not someone who talks disrespectfully to or about others, but someone that stands up for others. Not someone whose identity is in building bank accounts or a career while he neglects his family at home. Not someone who just takes everything the world has to offer, but someone who questions it and makes wise decisions. I want them to be leaders without dictating; be strong and O.K. to show emotion; firm in their beliefs and willing to engage and learn from others. Patient, kind, humble, assertive. You name it, and that’s what I want. I want them to be men of character. I don’t care about their physical appearance or their “success” in the material world. Ultimately, my prayer is that they become men of God.

Here’s the deal. As a mom, I can only do so much because, well, I’m a woman. If I want my boys to be men, I need men in their lives that are willing to be an example. I can’t show them what it looks like to be a man, because I am not a man. I’m thankful every day for a husband who is a role model for our children. He is not only willing, but he wants to set a standard for our boys (and a standard for our daughter as well! But that’s a different tangent.). But he can’t do it alone. He is only human, he will fail, and he does fail regularly. But I don’t expect him to be perfect. In fact, that alone is a good lesson in manhood: admitting failures and faults, showing ownership and growing from them, instead of letting them define him. But heaven forbid something happens to him. We also need friends that can be examples and hold my husband and my boys accountable.

Single moms need men to play a role in their children’s lives as well. They need men to show their boys what a man is and how to treat others. As women, our role is to be a mom. We can’t be both mom and dad. So, single moms, stop trying! Feel the freedom of having to do or be both lifted. We aren’t capable of that. We were never built for that. And I don’t mean that in the sense that you are not capable of raising strong, healthy babies on your own. I say that as an encouragement to be the best mom for your kids. That role is so significant and can’t be filled by someone else. So, do that well; be a woman well. Embrace being a mama and do your best to find men who can be a positive example to your kids.

So, men, here is my plea. As one mom to all the men out there, please, please step up and be a man. I want to raise boys who grow into men, and I can’t do that alone.

Evan Page lives in Hilton Head Island with her husband, Stephen, and their three children, Merrick, Wake and Wells. She is currently a stay-at-home mom and most of her days are filled trying to capture adventures with her children on camera.