By Evan Page

As exciting as bringing home a new baby is, let’s all admit that it’s a lot. I look back to those first few weeks after my youngest was born, and although I loved to embrace the chaos, I wonder how in the world we even survived. Here are a few tips to help your older siblings with the transition:

1. Let your children help.

I don’t know about you, but if someone says I can’t (or shouldn’t) do something, the more I want to do it. And it’s the same way with kids! Just imagine how it would feel when this new baby comes into the house and you can’t touch him/her or get close at all. It would be pretty discouraging! As parents, we have the opportunity to let older brothers or sisters help by giving them directions that are appropriate for their age. Not only does this help them learn about their younger sibling, but it helps you create boundaries for what is helpful and what isn’t. Try letting them help with age-appropriate tasks: grabbing a diaper, singing a song, holding them while sitting down, etc.

2. Create one-on-one time.

Creating an intentional five- to 10-minute window of time with each of your older children is a great way to make them feel included and loved instead of forgotten. Find something they love to do and make sure you create an opportunity to interact with them. You could maybe color a picture, read a book, or play with cars or trucks.

3. Communicate constantly.

Even when your children don’t understand it, communication is key to a healthy environment. Everything in this world is learned, and communication is no exception. Consistently talking to your children throughout the day gives them the opportunity to ask questions and engage in your routine. I don’t suggest letting newborns cry it out, but if multiple children are upset at the same time, take turns helping one or the other first based on their need. If it is time to feed your newborn but your oldest wants a snack, you can simply say, “(Baby), will you please be patient while I get your brother a snack?” No, the baby won’t understand or be able to respond, but the important part is that your oldest child will feel like his needs are getting met while hearing you communicate that all needs are important. It also helps them to understand that they are not constantly at the bottom of the list.

4. Keep routines as best as possible.

Keeping your routine for your older children is a great way to encourage smooth transitions. Routine is a child’s comfort zone, and if everything falls apart at once, the chaos of a new baby and having no “comfort zone” can be overwhelming. Whenever we have added another baby to our family, we adjust the newborn’s routine as best as possible to fit our older children. It still has its difficulties, but at least we aren’t doing new routines for everyone all at once.

5. Allow time for adjustment.

Patience is everything­—in parenting, in marriage, in life. Challenging things take time to adjust to, but they are also a great opportunity for growth. Day-to-day patience with your children is just as important as patience in helping them with the long-term adjustment. Be aware that some days will be smoother than others. And even after a few months, children can still feel overwhelmed by change.

Bringing a new baby home may be hard, but taking steps to help your kids adjust is a great opportunity to cultivate a healthy family life.

Evan Page lives in Hilton Head Island with her husband, Stephen, and their three children, Merrick, Wake and Wells. She is currently a stay-at-home mom and most of her days are filled trying to capture adventures with her children on camera.