By Evan Page

Have you ever been in permanent referee mode with your kids? Do you feel like you should just walk around with a black and white striped shirt on and a whistle around your neck? Yeah, I’ve been there too. I kept getting frustrated and worn out with my two oldest constantly fighting with each other (only two and three years old at the time) that I knew there had to be a better way. What did I want from them? What was I hoping they could learn, and how could I help them figure it out? Anytime they tried to play with each other, one or both of them came running to me crying. Then it hit me: Peacemakers and problem solvers. That is what I wanted.

Neither of the boys really knew what those words meant, but it was something we were continually working on—sharing, being patient, using our words, choosing to be grateful, and using our manners. Everything we practiced on a regular basis could be reduced into those simple words. And being a peacemaker and problem solver meant that they had to take ownership of the situation they were in, no matter what was happening. Once it hit me, it was game on. When the boys came up to me with another issue, I started pointing them into the direction of that phrase, and soon enough, it caught on. Let me break it down really fast:

Peacemakers are willing to create harmony within a relationship and reconcile differences. They are willing and open to reason and communication (as much reason as a two- and three-year-old could handle at the time). They try to be understanding yet firm in their view or beliefs, without negatively impacting other people. They are accepting of other people’s boundaries and are OK speaking their own. They have self-control even when it is challenging, and they are gentle in their interactions with others to help maintain relationships.

Problem solvers are ultimately about finding a long-term solution that can fit even short-term problems. They aren’t necessarily concerned about being right, and they are willing to give ideas even if it means they have to compromise. They are more focused on facts rather than feelings and connection with others rather than their own success. They see problems as opportunities for growth and development.

It took some time, but slowly they started to catch on. Each time the boys argued, I began inserting those words into our (very short!) conversations, so they were constantly hearing them. No, they wouldn’t have the slightest clue how to define those words. But when they would come running up to me with big tears in their eyes because they were mad, I would listen and then simply say “peacemakers and problem solvers,” and they would run off and try to fix it on their own. Not only did those two words stop me from having to be involved in every argument, but it was a way of teaching them life skills that will help them long after they outgrow sidewalk chalk.

Most importantly, the terms peacemaker and problem solver point my children back to Jesus. He was the ultimate peacemaker and problem solver, and through His death and resurrection, we get the opportunity for eternal life and a personal relationship with Him. Jesus is the ultimate example we can point our children to in just one simple phrase: peacemakers and problem solvers. 

Evan Page lives in Hilton Head Island with her husband, Stephen, and their three children, Merrick, Wake and Wells. She is currently a stay-at-home mom, and most of her days are filled, trying to capture adventures with her children on camera.