How to Be an Encouragement to Men Who Want to Be Dads

“This is My commandment, that you love one another, just as I have loved you.” – John 15:12

During quarantine, my wife and I decided that we would watch all of the Disney and Pixar animated movies. During the week before Mother’s Day, we watched the Pixar movie, “Up.” It’s one of my favorites. I get my full entertainment value just in the opening montage when we are introduced to Carl and Ellie, childhood sweethearts who dream of exploring the world. We then discover that this couple, who we’ve immediately fallen in love with, cannot have children.

After the couple comes home from the doctor’s office, Ellie goes through a major transformation. Carl finds his bride sitting in the yard, eyes closed, feeling the wind blow past her face. Her hair is down instead of up. Her bright eyes are dim, and her infectious smile is nowhere to be found. As a husband, I watched Carl intently to see how he will love his wife in this moment. If there were words during this introduction, what would he say to her? How would he pray for her? How would he encourage her?

One in six couples will experience infertility and miscarriage. There’s a tendency to label infertility as a female issue, but there is also male infertility. Whatever the cause, or in a lot of cases an unknown cause, infertility affects both spouses. What do you say to someone going through infertility? What if you say the wrong thing, even you are their spouse? What if you go to encourage the love of your life, and she just busts out in tears for the next hour?

With Mother’s Day behind us and Father’s Day ahead of us, we need to not only love the “Ellies” during this season, but we also need to encourage the “Carls.” Here are three things you can do for the “Carls” in your community.

1.     Pray for those husbands whose job right now is to support their wives.

Some of these men are having to compartmentalize their own grief, and some are burying their pain because they’re supposed to be strong. Pray that God would strengthen them and give them outlets to grieve with their wives—and away from their wives. Pray that the Holy Spirit will comfort them in their time of suffering.

2.     Be present.

Your availability and intentionality are actions that show Carl that he is not alone. Give Carl the opportunity to be heard as he vents or processes his emotions. Invite Carl to breakfast or for coffee and pray with him in person. This may help him have the strength to go another month.

3.     Offer encouragement.

My suggestion is to keep this simple. Just send a text that reads, “I’m praying for you.” Send Carl reminders that God is in control, that He’s a good Father who wants good for His kids, and that He is faithful yesterday, today and forever. These statements are a platform to stand on when the ground feels like it is falling away.

The Carls and Ellies need the love and support of a community. They need our prayers, our sensitivity, our presence and our encouragement. We are not meant to do life outside of the community, especially when going through seasons of suffering. The Bible commands that we love one another as Christ has loved us, and that means helping to carry each other’s burdens.