5 Things Great Dads Do
By Jeff Cranston
What does it take to be a model father? Is there a great model we can turn to for help? The answer is yes … and no. There is no such thing as a perfect human father. Some do it better than others, but none are perfect. I know I can’t do it perfectly, but as a Christian, I do have a model.
One day Jesus told a story that is now known as the “Parable of the Prodigal Son,” but it’s so much more than just that. This story shows the ideal representation of what it is to be a model father. Read Luke 15:11-32. The father in this parable interacts with his sons in a way that gives insight on how to be model fathers and, in a broader sense, model parents. First of all, we see that …
1. A great dad teaches his children God’s truth from day one.
What can you put into place to help you teach your children the things of God? First of all, I suggest:
Minimize your children’s visual viewing during the day and maximize their reading. Reading stimulates the mind and imagination, not viewing. Let them ask you questions, and then you ask them questions. Talk and provide answers.
Make sure your children hear your voice above the din. Talk to your middle and high school kids. Take them to a ball game, go for some coffee, jump in a kayak or on a bike, and during that time, they will open their hearts to you. They are bombarded by thousands of voices in their early years. But in the right way, in the right context, you can make sure they hear your voice above the din. Make sure they hear you tell them that they are fearfully and wonderfully made; that God has a will and purpose for their life; and that only a life lived with and for God brings joy, meaning and purpose.
2. A great dad respects the individuality of his children.
Read Luke 15:11-13. How would you react if one of your children came to you, thumbing his or her nose at you, demanding that you grant him total freedom or that you grant her a fair share to finance her rebellion?
It was not unusual for a Jewish father to distribute his estate before he died if he wished to retire from the management of his business affairs. But there is a certain demanding attitude, is there not, on the part of this younger, prodigal son? He is saying, “Life is too short for me to wait for you to die or to retire. I am going to get it anyway. Give it to me now.”
The father could have said no. He could have tried a little friendly extortion, telling him how much more he would have in the long run if he stayed home. But no, this father was prepared to stand by the teachings and the humble models that he and his wife had exhibited from the infancy of these two boys. He was willing to evaluate each son for who they were as individuals. He knew their strengths and weaknesses. He was prepared to let his young son be an adult. So, the father divided his estate, gave his son what he wanted, and bid him farewell and Godspeed.
3. A great dad won’t stand in the way of consequences.
Read Luke 15:13. A good father is not in the business of premature rescue. As much as his heart is breaking, and that there might be trouble ahead, he lets go.
Is this the kind of parent you are? Are you willing to faithfully teach and model? Do you respect the autonomy of your children as they come of age? Are you willing to let them walk away, no longer nurtured and influenced by you, but free to live in a tough, hard world unprotected? Are you willing to let him or her experience failure?
With a big hug and perhaps a few tears, you must prepare yourself to send them off to seek their own fortune, to face whatever may be the consequences—positive, negative, or in-between.
4. A great dad has a never-give-up kind of love.
Read Luke 15:17, 20. Most of us have a breaking point. We are willing to be tolerant up to a point. But a great dad has a never-give-up kind of love. And sometimes that means living with a bit of a broken heart. Remember that Jesus said, “Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.” – John 16:33 (NLT)
None of us is free from trouble. We are called to continue doing what God has called us to do, while at the same time, we are privileged to scan the horizon, just hoping for that reunion with the rebel.
5. A great dad is willing to live with a little ambiguity.
We don’t know the full end of the story. We do know that the other son got angry when dad threw a party for the younger brother. The father had to live with that anger. And the father acknowledged the faithfulness of the older brother and, conversely, he made no demands for performance on the younger brother. He was gone; now he’s back. Life goes on.
None of us know the future, do we? Being a parent has no sealed and signed guarantees. We are called to live with the ambiguity that is built into relationships. A great dad accepts this as a fact of life and moves ahead, faithfully doing and being what God has called him to do and be, no matter what the significant others in his life choose to do and be.
The ultimate reward isn’t the privilege of sitting back and saying, “Wasn’t I a good father?” Granted, we’ll have some joys that come from the hoped-for relationship with our children. But the final reward will be when the Ultimate Model Father, God Himself, looks us in the eye and says, “Well done, good and faithful servant. Enter into your eternal rest.”
Jeff Cranston is the lead pastor of LowCountry Community Church in Bluffton, South Carolina.
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