Learning to Let Your Husband Be a Dad

By Evan Page

It seems almost inevitable in a group of moms. At some point, someone randomly offers up a, “Hey, listen to what my husband did!” Then it’s followed by a story, mostly lighthearted, at a husband’s shortcoming as a father. It feels like a cultural norm that mom is the primary caregiver, and the husband is there, providing for his family and waiting for his wife to give directions about the kids. I know our kids are young, but in these few years, I have learned a lot of lessons. I’m here to share three lessons on how we, as moms, can learn to let our husbands parent.

1. Let him do it differently … and be OK with that!

I can’t tell you how different I am from my spouse in almost everything! Let alone in how we parent. For example, I am a professional booty wiper. Diapers, toilets. It doesn’t matter. One or two wipes max, and they are good to go. My husband uses about six wipes per diaper change. Does my husband change diapers the way I do? Nope. Does it matter that we do it differently? Nope. The job is done, and he is getting involved!

When my husband takes them for a little outing, he almost always leaves without snacks. Not me. I have a bag full of snacks, extra clothes and sunscreen. He usually has nothing unless I toss it at him when he’s heading out the door. But you know what, our kids have just as much fun with dad (usually more!) as they do with me. Sometimes it’s hard to sit back, but it’s good for me, my husband and my kids to see that there is more than one way to skin a cat! (Even if my way is better! Haha!)

2. Encourage him.

Encourage your husband to be involved. Give him opportunities! When he steps up and maybe steps out of his box, tell him what you appreciate and how amazing he is. Looking at the example above, let’s say I make negative comments about how my husband isn’t the greatest diaper changer—do you think he is going to want to volunteer to do it again? Probably not. And if he doesn’t bring extra clothes to the beach, does that really mean he’s a horrible dad? No! So, tell him you appreciate how he shows up for your kids. Being present is what matters, and we can encourage that bond between our kids and their dad.

3. Trust him.

I’ve been on a few weekend trips before, and almost always, someone asks, “So, who is watching your kids?” Sometimes this question seems funny to me, but then I realize, although there are circumstances that make it hard for some couples, leaving your kids with your spouse is not always the norm. Before we got married, we both agreed to play an intentional role in our kids’ lives. This meant I needed to trust who my husband was going to be as a dad. I feel blessed to do this parenting thing together, but we both know it is an intentional choice to show up for our kids. 

As my last encouragement, I wanted to say this: Being a stay at home mom is where I spent most, if not all, of my time. When you think about it, I have a lot more practice than my husband does—more practice with discipline, more practice doing outings by myself, more practice learning their signs and symptoms of a meltdown. As parents, we are in this together. So, we need to always be on the same team, even if we do things differently.

Evan Page lives in Hilton Head Island with her husband, Stephen, and their three children, Merrick, Wake and Wells. She is currently a stay-at-home mom, and most of her days are filled, trying to capture adventures with her children on camera.