4 Ways to Deal with Disappointment
By Jeff Cranston
Author Max Lucado in his book Traveling Light writes that the prefix “dis” changes everything.
With “dis,” “obey” becomes “disobey.” “Respect” is changed to “disrespect.” “Regard” is suddenly “disregard.” What was an “ability” becomes a “disability.” “Engage” is now “disengage,” and “grace” is transformed into “disgrace.” All because of dis.
We would be hard-pressed to find a more potent trio of letters. And we’d be hard-pressed to find a better example of their power than in the word appointment.
Most of us like appointments. Even the organizationally inept like appointments. Appointments create a sense of predictability in an unpredictable world. Deep down, we know we control the future as much as a caboose controls the train, yet our calendars and to-do lists give us the illusion that we do.
Disappointments remind us that we don’t. A disappointment is a missed appointment. What we hoped would happen, didn’t. We wanted health; we got disease. We wanted retirement; we got reassignment. Divorce instead of family. Dismissal instead of promotion. Now what?
In 2020, we wanted schools to return to normal, jobs to return to normal, restaurants, stores, business and churches to return to normal. And what did we get? More of 2020. What do we do? Let’s go to the Bible. Read Psalm 42.
The writer of this psalm was dealing with some overbearing circumstances. During his difficult situation, verses 3 and 10 say that his enemies asked him, “Where is your God?” Has someone asked you that question during this pandemic? Have you asked it yourself?
Even though the psalmist was depressed, downcast and disappointed, he was fighting for hope. He was not surrendering to the emotions of despair, discouragement or disappointment. We can also find hope in disappointment. Let’s take a look at four lessons from Psalm 42:
1. It’s OK to ask God, “Why?”
“I will say to God, my rock: ‘Why have you forgotten me? Why do I go mourning because of the oppression of the enemy?’” – Psalm 42:9
Have you, through the lens of disappointment, asked God why? I know I have. So did the psalmist. Why is a legitimate question. But remember that God has NOT forgotten you. He remembers you, He is an ever-present help in times of trouble, He is a rock to stand on, and He is a safe shelter in the time of storm. It’s OK to ask God, “Why?” However …
2. It’s better to affirm the sovereign love of God over us.
“The LORD will command His lovingkindness in the daytime; and His song will be with me in the night. A prayer to the God of my life.” – Psalm 42:8
Even though it may have looked like God had forgotten the psalmist, he never stopped believing in the absolute sovereignty of God over all of his adversity. At the end of verse 7, he said, “All Your breakers and Your waves have rolled over me.” In other words, all the crashing, tumultuous, oppressing, discouraging, and disappointing circumstances are the waves of God. We must never lose this grip on the great truths about God. They are the ballast in our little boat of faith. They keep us from capsizing in the mayhem of our emotions.
How often have you complained and moaned about 2020? Every time we impugn the year 2020, we take a swipe at the sovereignty of God. Our times are in His hands. Nothing is catching Him off guard. He is well aware of all that is taking place. And somehow, even though we may not understand it all right now, this is all a part of His sovereign and divine plan for your life and mine.
3. Sing your fool head off!
That’s what the psalmist does: “… His song will be with me in the night. A prayer to the God of my life.” – Psalm 42:8
This is not a song of euphoric hope. He doesn’t feel jubilant optimism. He is seeking hope; he is seeking optimism. This is a prayer and a pleading song—a song “to the God of my life.” Again, he is acknowledging the sovereign hand of God over his life.
4. Preach to a congregation of one—yourself.
“Why are you in despair, O my soul? And why have you become disturbed within me? Hope in God, for I shall again praise Him for the help of His presence.” – Psalm 42:5
The psalmist preaches to his own soul. How crucial this is in the fight of faith! We must learn to preach the truth to ourselves. It might sound something like this:
Listen, self: With God on my side like this, how can I lose? God didn’t hesitate to put everything on the line for me. He embraced my condition and exposed Himself to the worst by sending his own Son. Is there anything else He wouldn’t gladly and freely do for me? And who would dare tangle with God by messing with one of God’s chosen? Who would dare even to point a finger?
The One who died for me—who was raised to life for me!—is in the presence of God at this very moment sticking up for me. Hey self, do you think anyone is going to be able to drive a wedge between me and the love of Christ? There is no way! – Romans 8:31-35, MSG
We all have experienced failures, setbacks and severe disappointments in our lives, but we can rest in the truth that God is sovereign and that He has not forgotten us.
Jeff Cranston is the lead pastor of LowCountry Community Church in Bluffton, South Carolina.
Reference: Max Lucado, Traveling Light. W Publishing Group, 2001. pp. 125-6.