By Evan Page

Every year my husband and I set goals: personal goals, family goals, goals for where we want our finances to be. Some goals are fun or might be dreams we have. Others are more serious and something we really want to work on or accomplish within the year. We usually write them on our own, and then at some point, we get together and talk about what we’ve written down. This year, when we sat down, my husband Stephen looked at me and said, “One of my main goals this year is to take you on a date night once a week.”

Anyone else smile when they read that? Because I straight out laughed in his face. I immediately thought, “Well, that’s nice, but we hardly go on a date once a month, let alone once a week. Maybe we should start with something more realistic.” I have no idea how he came up with that number. But what I do know is that last year we had almost 52 dates.

Is a date night once a week realistic for everyone? Probably not. We’ve been told 1,000 times that it gets harder as our kids get older. When we hear it, now that we’ve done it, we’re convinced we need to get more creative to make it happen as our kids get older. Because here is what we learned:

1. Be consistent.

I heard this quote and thought it fit well as my first bullet point: “consistency over intensity.” It fits well with a lot of things in life, but especially date night. It’s not about how many dates, it’s about that time being intentional and consistent. As a couple, we picked a number or goal that we wanted. No one else could decide what that was. The same goes for you. But pick something and stick to it—once a week, every other week, every month. Whatever it is, make it happen.

2. Be intentional.

Dating your spouse isn’t about how much money you spend or how extravagant of a date you plan. During the pandemic, we had our fair share of “in-home” date nights. Honestly, those were the hardest because we had to be extra intentional about how we spent our day. I’m a stay-at-home mom, so I planned extra outings to wear our babes out so they could be in bed by 7:00. Then Stephen and I could spend the next hour and a half just the two of us. (If you know my kids, you know that’s a challenge, haha!) Sometimes we would cook a completely separate dinner (AKA, more dishes). Sometimes we would just sit on the back porch and talk. No matter what it was, we did our best to make sure that time was aimed at giving us time together. We had some dates where we spent no money and some dates where we spent a lot. Money isn’t the point; intentional time is.

3. Don’t talk about work (or kids).

We didn’t talk shop. Yes, we did ask how your day was because we genuinely care, but we limited the amount we talked about work, or as horrible as it sounds, our kids. We didn’t talk about serious topics of finances or bills either. This was our time to focus on each other and make sure we were dreaming together and staying on the same page.

4. Marriage is more than co-existing.

My spouse is my best friend. And I still really like him. I think in today’s fast-paced world, it’s easy to get caught in the trap of co-existing with your significant other. But marriage is supposed to be a much bigger part of life than just being roommates. When we spend time together, we learn how much we still really love our spouse.

5. Get creative.

If things start feeling stale, change the game up. My favorite dates are day dates, but that doesn’t seem as easy for us to do right now. When we noticed that dates felt less intentional, we came up with creative ideas to make sure that we were still intentional in making them happen!

6. Fight for it.

We had babysitters cancel last minute. Work or travel plans got in the way. But we fought for that date night, and I am forever grateful for it. It’s worth the fight.

7. Set an example for the kids.

I want my kids to think dating when you’re married is normal. It’s important for them to see that we love each other and that we consider our relationship a priority. I want them to put their spouse above work, above their children, above the chaos of life. It was hard for them at first, but it’s worth seeing them sad in the short term so they will know the long-term advantages our date nights have. I want them to remember that a marriage commitment is important and worth taking time to invest in. They will hopefully do the same when they get married.

All in all, my biggest takeaway was that I’m not willing to let dates fall to the wayside. I know I’m married to Stephen Page, but I also really like being his girlfriend too. The few times we missed out on our date nights, we felt it. We were off. We didn’t realize how much of a positive impact they were having on our relationship until we missed them. And again, I know date nights once a week might not last forever; but if we want our relationship to be strong, we need to make sure we invest intentional time and energy into it.

Evan Page lives in Hilton Head Island with her husband, Stephen, and their three children, Merrick, Wake, and Wells. She is currently a stay-at-home mom, and most of her days are filled with trying to capture adventures with her children on camera.