Marriage: Covenant or Contract?
By Jeff Cranston
Did you know that nearly 70 percent of married men and 60 percent of married women have extramarital affairs? Stop for a moment and feel the pain of that. It’s tragic in every sense of the word. Additionally, in the U.S., less than half of couples who marry will stay married for 15 years, and every 10 to 13 seconds another couple divorces.*
There are many reasons marriage is not working in our society. One of the reasons is that we misunderstand what marriage is supposed to be. Here’s a snapshot of some key things the Bible teaches about marriage:
God created marriage and blessed it. God performed the very first wedding at the end of Creation week and blessed the new couple. His union of Adam and Eve illustrates God’s ideal for marriage—one man and one woman joined together in a life-long commitment to each other, working together to form strong, godly families.
Marriage is used as a representation for the relationship between God and His people. Throughout the Bible, God presents Himself as the husband of His people. His church is His bride, whom He loves and cherishes. Marriage is the closest, most intimate relationship we can experience here on earth, and God uses it to illustrate the intimate relationship He wants to have with you and me!
Marriage is the only legitimate place for sex. Scripture is crystal clear about that.
Marriage is intended to be a lifelong commitment. There is a reason the traditional marriage vow includes the phrase “till death do you part.” Marriage, as God intended it, is a commitment for life—during good times and bad. Enjoy life with the woman whom you love all the days of your fleeting life which He has given to you under the sun…” – Ecclesiastes 9:9a
Our culture views marriage as a contract, a legal agreement, based on mutual distrust. God’s design for marriage is for it to be a covenant based on mutual commitment. Today, people all over the world treat it as a contract. It is a piece of paper, a legal agreement, but marriage is so much more than that.
You can see a great picture of this in the Old Testament in the Book of Malachi. We find God’s people whining, “God, why won’t you answer our prayers? We are praying, where are you?” And God basically says, “Husbands, you have been unfaithful to your wives and therefore I am not answering your prayers. … the LORD has been a witness between you and the wife of your youth, against whom you have dealt treacherously, though she is your companion and your wife by covenant.” – Malachi, 2:14, NASB
Marriage is a “totally binding, all in, no back door,” covenant vow before Almighty God. If you are a believer in the Lord Jesus Christ, when you get married, you stand before God and make a promise to Him, you enter into a blood covenant, and the two become one. When you understand marriage is a covenant and not a contract, you learn:
It is not about Me; it’s about We. And then it’s all about We serving He.
Ephesians 5:21 has some great thoughts on this. It says, “ … be subject to one another in the fear of Christ.” Why are we subject to each other? Out of reverence for Christ.
Mutual Submission
In the marriage context, we are to submit to one another out of reverence and worship for the One who laid down His life so that we could be forgiven. Marriage is not what so many people think of it today. “Well, I’ll do my part; you do yours. This is a 50-50 deal.” No, 50-50 is a contract built on mutual distrust. A covenant is not bringing 50-50. A married covenant means I will do unto you as Christ has done unto me. Jesus didn’t give us 50 percent; He gave us 100 percent. It is, “I will lay down my life to serve you. I will submit to you as unto the Lord out of reverence for Christ so that we together can better serve Him.”
Some of you right now may be thinking, “Well, our marriage isn’t what it is supposed to be. “It’s her fault,” or “it’s his fault.” Please, allow God to talk to you today. Decide today, “I am in this thing for better or for worse, no matter what. It is not about me; it is about we.” Mutual submission.
Magnify the Lord
Single men and women, teenagers, college students, and those who are single again: Maybe you’re hoping it’s in God’s plans for you to marry one day in the future. How do you know he or she is the one? Run toward God with all of your heart, soul, mind and strength. Pursue Him above anyone and anything else. Then as you are running full-out toward God in your life, look around and see if there is anybody cute of the opposite sex running toward God at the same speed. I am dead serious. You like them, they are fun, and then you grab their hands. And here’s your verse for when you get there: Psalm 34:3, ‘O magnify the Lord with me, and let us exalt His name together.”
Those of you who are married, and it is not going well or it is good, but it could be better, grab hands and say to one another, “Magnify the Lord with me. Let us exalt His name together.” The two of you become one serving the One who gave His life for you. Not Me but We. And We serving He.
Jeff Cranston is lead pastor of LowCountry Community Church in Bluffton, South Carolina.
Reference
* Sexual Detours, Dr. Holly Hein, St. Martin's Press, 2001.
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