How to Talk to Your Kids About Cancer
Talking to our children about cancer can feel daunting, but by providing them with factual, age-appropriate information, we empower them to understand the truth and guard against the misinformation they might encounter from the world around them. As you process how to begin this discussion with your child, here are five questions to consider:
How can I talk about cancer in an honest, informative, age-appropriate way?
Call cancer what it is: cancer. Let them know where the cancer is and that they do not need to worry about it being contagious.
“______ has cancer in their ________ (part of their body). They did nothing to get this sickness, and it is not something that you can get from being around them.”
How can I explain what to expect when a friend or family member is diagnosed?
Children are observant and may recognize the physical, emotional, or mental toll that those with cancer and those around them are carrying. Prepare them ahead of time for what those with a cancer diagnosis may experience.
“You can expect some things to change with ______ (name). They may have less energy than usual and need to take breaks, naps, or use a wheelchair. They may wear masks to protect themselves, their hair may fall out from their medicine, and they may be around school less while they are getting taken care of at the hospital. What is not changing though is _________________ .”
How can I create a safe space for the feelings that come with a cancer diagnosis?
It is important for children to see that this is hard for us as parents, too. Being vulnerable in front of our children will show them that we have emotions and feelings, too, and that this is a safe space for them. You may choose to talk through with them why you are feeling certain emotions and how you choose to cope with them. Encourage your children to share what they are feeling too, and offer ways to help them cope.
“I am crying because I am sad about this. This has been really hard for me, too. If you are feeling sad / angry / confused you can always talk to me about it.”
What Biblical truth can I teach them in this conversation?
Encourage your children to turn to Biblical truths that they know. Remind them that God loves them and whoever is sick and that He is in control and sees us in our pain. Take an opportunity to pray as a family and lean into His faithfulness and care.
“Even in hard times, God is with us. He sees our pain and wants us to turn to Him with it. Remember, God loves us not just in the good/easy times but also in the hard times. Can we take time to pray for _____(name) and for our family as we process this?”
How can I empower them to take action following our conversation?
Many times following a conversation, children will want to take action. Let them choose if and how they would like to do something, and help them accomplish this! Ideas may include: hosting a lemonade or cookie stand to raise money, writing cards to those undergoing treatment, or picking out special toys to donate to the local hospital.
“There is not anything that we can do to make ________ (name) any less sick, but we can pray for them and do things to encourage them! What are some ideas that you have on ways that we can do this?”
At the end of your conversation, be sure to use this as a time to remind them who to turn to with questions and uncertainties. By choosing to educate our children, we ensure their understanding is shaped by our parental guidance and biblical wisdom rather than the potentially misleading messages they might otherwise hear.
Looking for a way to take action in support of families battling childhood cancer? Family Serve Day is November 16! Gather together to build care kits filled with comfort items and messages of encouragement for the children of MUSC Children’s Health Cancer Care.