The New Testament portrays Jesus as the bridegroom and His church as the bride. The mystery of marriage, then, relates to the mystery of the gospel. Marriage is an institution that, even in conflict, is meant to display the gospel of grace.

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KEY VERSES

MATTHEW 19:1-9 (NASB)

1 When Jesus had finished these words, He departed from Galilee and came into the region of Judea beyond the Jordan; 2 and large crowds followed Him, and He healed them there.3 Some Pharisees came to Jesus, testing Him and asking, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any reason at all?” 4 And He answered and said, “Have you not read that He who created them from the beginning made them male and female,5 and said, ‘For this reason, a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? 6 So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” 7 They *said to Him, “Why then did Moses command to give her a certificate of divorce and send her away?” 8 He *said to them, “Because of your hardness of heart Moses permitted you to divorce your wives; but from the beginning, it has not been this way. 9 And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.”

UNDERSTANDING

• What is one thing people do that really pushes your buttons?

• Everyone gets angry from time to time. When you get angry, are you more likely to act out in your anger, or sit on it and stew?

• What advice would you give a newlywed couple on the topic of conflict?Have you ever been in a contract you wanted to get out of (think cable, cell phone service, etc.)? Why did you want to get out of it? Were you able to? Why or why not?

• What happened when Solomon came to the bride’s bedroom? How did Solomon respond?

• Why did he leave myrrh on her doorknob? What did this symbolize? How did she respond to the loving gesture?

• How do you think the bride felt when she opened the door and he was not there? What do you think she felt when she searched for him?

• Read Ephesians 6:12. How does this apply to a marriage relationship?

• What was the woman’s reaction when she found Solomon? How did his actions set up their reconciliation?

• Why is it important to reconcile after a fight? How have you seen fights expand when reconciliation did not come

• Why did the woman compliment Solomon when she found him? What was she communicating to him?

• How did the woman understand the greatest needs that Solomon had? How can this interaction be applied to all marriages?

• Though Paul was not talking about marriage directly in this passage, what are some ways it applies to marriage?

• In your own words, what instructions are you given in this passage on how to live?

• What in this passage stands out as especially challenging to you, why?

• Would you say these commands are developed by effort and practice or that they are outcomes developed as a result of walking with the Lord? Explain.

• What does verse 18 teach you about personal responsibility and your inability to control the reaction or response of another person?

• Why is peace a fitting characteristic for a Christian marriage to be known for?

APPLICATION

• In this week’s message, we learned two root causes of conflict in marriage: unmet expectations and self-centeredness. How does knowing what may cause conflict in your marriage help prepare you for good fights?

• We also learned the following three points of application in this week’s message. To resolve conflict: You must choose to act and not react. You must choose to focus on the good and not the bad (Phil. 4:8). You must choose to talk and not walk. Which of these stands out to you the most personally? What are some steps you can take to act and not react? To focus on the good and not the bad? To talk and not walk?

• Why does a framework of faith in God help to solve conflicts in marriage? How does an understanding of God’s grace help you show grace to others?

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