How to Have an Intentional Marriage, Part 1

By Evan Page

When I was growing up, I always thought marriage was just another part of life. You grow up, fall in love, plan a wedding. You know the deal. Maybe for some that’s what marriage boils down to: You get married because it’s just another part of life. But God created marriage to be so much more; and if you want to see the full blessings God has for you through your marriage, you need to be intentional.

Is your marriage on autopilot?

The word intentional is defined as “done on purpose; deliberate.” In today’s fast-paced and ever-changing world, it’s easy to go through the motions. Don’t believe me? Remember that time you drove home from work or to the gym, and you pulled into the parking lot and realized you had no recollection as to how you actually made it there? It was as if you were on autopilot. That scenario is what happens to many of us in our marriages. We find ourselves going through the motions until we wake up and realize that we haven’t actually been investing time or energy into one of the most important aspects of our life: marriage.

Here’s another example. You get promoted to CEO of your company. Most likely, you didn’t fall into that position by chance. You worked hard to get there. You took time to learn, and when things got challenging, did you give up? No. You continued to pursue what you wanted. You asked questions, spent time trying to understand your duties and made an effort to be a team player. Marriage is a lot like that. It doesn’t always come naturally to put your marriage or your spouse first. It takes time, effort and intentionality to grow in your marriage. It also takes a continuous pursuit to make sure that your marriage isn’t left behind—and a whole lot of grace for you and your spouse, too!

Making marriage a priority

Sometimes it feels like you are doing everything you can, but your marriage is just hard. Sometimes it’s easy to blame your spouse for not making enough effort. Maybe you’re tired, and you feel like your spouse is a “safe place” to neglect for a while until you can focus when life slows down. Let me tell you this, life doesn’t slow down. And, you can’t make your spouse give more effort. You can only control your investment; and if you want to have a healthy, lasting relationship, you can’t wait until the timing is right or until you feel rested. It won’t happen. That is why marriage needs to be intentional. It needs to be full of purpose and made a priority.

Please don’t mistake my encouragement for intentional marriage with a lack of recognition as to how hard marriage is. We all face challenges. There is no such thing as a perfect marriage. But being intentional, especially in the challenging seasons, can help you grow closer to each other and, ultimately, closer to God.

So, where are you? Is marriage at the top of your priority list or at the bottom? Is it even on there? No matter the answer, it’s never too late to start being intentional.

Evan Page lives in Hilton Head Island with her husband, Stephen, and their three children, Merrick, Wake and Wells. She is currently a stay-at-home mom and most of her days are filled trying to capture adventures with her children on camera.

Looking for ways on how you can have an intentional marriage? Find out more in Part 2 of this series: