How to Have an Intentional Marriage, Part 2

By Evan Page

My husband and I always say that if you want to be different, then you have to do different. So, I felt like I would be doing a disservice to write about having an intentional marriage (see part one) without giving a few suggestions on how to do that. These can be done whether you have kids or not, or whether you are newlyweds or have been married for years. In fact, these ideas will help you focus on having a healthy, growing relationship no matter where you are in life:

1. Make your spouse a priority.

This may be simple, but how often do you focus on your spouse first? Most of the time, I think my husband is a fully capable human being, and he can fend for himself. Although this is true, it isn’t how marriage was created. If you are always serving yourself or your children first, your spouse will inevitably get the notion that you are fine without them. I don’t know about you, but I don’t want my spouse to think I’m better on my own.

2. Connect.

It’s easy to get caught up in the day to day and end up living like you are roommates with your spouse—only communicating when something is needed. If we are to be the main support system for our significant other, then we need to make time to be there for one another. It’s important to connect mentally, emotionally, spiritually and physically with your spouse on a regular basis.

3. Speak each other’s love language.

“The Five Love Languages” by Gary Chapman is a must-read. It can make all the difference in your relationships, especially with your spouse. Find out his or her love language and start speaking it!

4.    Go on dates.

Who says that dating should stop after you get married? It’s a great way to spend quality time together and to make sure that you take time to focus on you and your spouse. Dates are especially important when you have children!

5. Do a marriage check-up.

This is a great way to keep you and your spouse on the same page. Create a list of questions or topics to discuss at the beginning of every week. It doesn’t have to be long, but it can help you communicate Important tasks for the week! If you need a starting place, try this: Sunday night before bed, ask each other these two questions: What can I do to help you with your schedule this week, and what can I do to make you feel loved? Then follow through.

6. Grow in knowledge.

Let’s all agree that we have a lot to learn about marriage and relationships. So, let’s make an effort to do just that ... learn! Look for some reliable marriage/relational books to read. Download informational podcasts or look for encouraging blogs. Find friends that have healthy relationships and ask questions.

The great thing about having an intentional marriage is that you can figure out what that looks like to you. No marriage is ever the same. Like I mentioned above, if you want to be different, you have to do different. As long as you are making an effort to grow in your relationship, you are taking steps forward. It’s never too late to be intentional.

Evan Page lives in Hilton Head Island with her husband, Stephen, and their three children, Merrick, Wake and Wells. She is currently a stay-at-home mom and most of her days are filled trying to capture adventures with her children on camera.